Why does it seem like when you get older life gets harder, family, friends, things seem to change, and sometimes not for the better! I think as I get older and things change, it gets harder and harder for me to accept that things will never be the same. I miss my old friends and the things we used to do, I miss connecting with them on a level that not alot of people do, I miss not trying to have to work hard at impressing people, I dont want to do that anymore! I feel like its always me innitiating the friendships, always caring too much about what people think of me, or how they feel about me. why do I even fucken care? I dont know, maybe its because i grew up an only child, I always wanted people to like me, I guess thats why i care so much, my friends are the only famly that I have and it matters to me too much sometimes. i dont know maybe i need to move on, I feel like im living the same day over and over again like its ground hogs day. I need a change in my life I need to figure out what "I" want? what I want to happen in my future..... I know, I dont want to be here at this job forever, im tired of hearing about peoples drama! I sometimes think to myself and as much i love my husband and all, i think to myself im never going to have that connection with another person on that level and im not talking just about sex, noones ever going to fall in love with me or find out who I am, and i used to mention the newness has gone, but its not even that either, its me, noones ever gonna know the real me. I work with a guy and he's a realy nice person we can sit together and talk about whatever, how we are feeling that day or goal we want to achieve in life, or things that were interseted in, and i guess I just miss that, finding out new things about people, connecting on a higher level, having the same interests and joke about the same stupid things. and i guess we kinda do, i know that nothing between us could ever happen but i wish he could see me the way i want him too, i wish everyone would see me the way i want them too, but they wont!