Today is December 9, 09
Its been about a year since everything has happpened to me, me getting sick, the problems that me and Mark started having, Joelie..its wierd how my life has changed since than, the way I feel about everything, the stupid things ive done since than! I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore, I knew the things I did was wrong but yet I couldnt seem to stop, its almost as if it was a different person and not really me doing them, its like I became someone else. and the sad thing is I felt nothing, no guilt! nothing! I felt so heartless it was horrbile!
well things between me and Mark are better I want so much to work things out between us I do love him, hes good to me after all weve been through in the past year I dont think any other man wouldve done the things hes done for me, and would have put up with all the shit ive put him through! hes good to me and I dont want to mess things up again, thats why I decided to say goodbye to Whos Here, and anyways I got really tired of stupid guys harrassing and just wanting stupid pix of me, it got so irritating you cant trust people on there even the ones that you think are your friends they only wanted 1 thing and I dont need that. so I said goodbye and havent been on it in a long time. I dont really care anymore I need to focus on myself right now and care about what other people think of me, I put it on myself too much whether people or should I say guys think of me. and If I keep thinking like that im never going to feel good about myself, but im done at leaste for now, ive seen how guys could be and its crazy they only want one thing, but I guess thats all I wanted too, I dont know, ive felt so lost for so long that I didnt know what I was looking for, but I think I know what it was, I was looking for that second Joel someone that was going to make me feel like he did, someone that was going to treat me like he did, and i know now htere will never e another him, its time for me to move on without him and move on without wh.