things have been going ok besides me not feeling like myself, i dont know for some reason ive been feeling restless, anxious and i keep getting the shakes i fell like i cant do anything right i feel not myself, i have to take medicine to sleep, and medicine to stay awake and if i dont take it i get the jitters i guess you can say im fucked i dont know when im going to feel myself again it feel like a long time away, i just want to get better! and it seems as soon as i start to feel ok i start feeling shitty why? me? oh well besides that, i guess im ok, weve been partying more and more lately all i do is look forward to the weekends we had our party it was fun what i remember i wish i can go back to that day i fucked up i lost my camera well it got stolen, marks stereo and my diet pills ghetto huh?! there was so many people i think this is the biggest party so far there so many people i didnt know, friends of friends, but it was fun everybody came even Adrian it was a miracle him and emilio, they had fun so they say. well for marks birthday i took him to dejavu they had little boobies mines were bigger but i dont know ive been feeling very little self confidence i feel so fat and ugly i see these other skinny girls i want to be like them skinny and beutiful i dont mind my husbad looking at them he can look but not touch i for some reason think taking him there we have a more open relationship i dont want to be one of those wives who trip off everything! i just want him to see me as beutiful.....

sp things are going ok i guess pretty boring, pretty slow my life has been going by so fast not much going on, just the usual party with the santos on the weekend this past weekend was Alex's wife birthday it was fun although she didnt say much to us, but we all had fun then i got drunk ok so maybe i do have a problem mark gets so mad at me but i cant stop Alex was giving me shot after shot i liked it but the next day i didnt like it i had a bad hang over! it was mothers day too! so that sucked i felt bad, but i had fun saturday and so this weekend is our party and im for some reason nervous i dont know what to do i have a problem all my friends are coming down Adrian, Beto an Vero and i want so bad to do X justa half of one wont hurt me but i keep thinking of how i said i wouldnt do it again but i dont know i dont want to drink ahhhhh this sucks well i guess we;ll see how it goes...

me and my crazy bro in law