Why does it feel like theres this dam rain cloud hanging over my head!

I swear if I hear any more bad news im going to jump off the roof of my work building! its like this stream of bad luck is never fucking ending! Why couldnt I have just died! everything sucks right now and I keep making the same stupid mistakes too why the fuck dont I learn! I swear this is the last time I do this to myself no more im done I cant take anymore ! and whats wrong with me? its like I keep pushing away people on purpose its like everytime something good happens I seem to push away people and end up scaring them off, im so stupid I swear! its no wonder why everyone hates me! I just feel like my life is fucked up right now, ever since i gotten sick its like I dont know how to get my life back, everythings different and its like I keep looking for this happiness in this dam fantasy land that I live in, and I know its not reality but I keep falling for it! it makes me so mad! all I want is to just be happy again and I feel like im never going to be, and not with all this dam bad luck I keep having.

So yesterday we went to go t see if they were going to be able to modify our loan on our house and the guy says well u8 have till tomorrow to get in everything so

Amazing
I kept the right ones out And let the wrong ones in Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins, There were times in my life When I was goin' insane, Tryin' to walk through The pain. When I lost my grip And I hit the floor I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door!
I was so sick and tired Of livin' a lie! I was wishin that I Would die!
It's Amazing With the blink of an eye you finally see the light, It's Amazing When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright, It's Amazing And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight.
That one last shot's a Permanent Vacation And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life's a journey not a destination And I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings You have to learn to crawl Before you learn to walk But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeahI was out on the street, Just tryin' to survive Scratchin' to stay Alive!