Im here at worek bored its been a long time since ive written anything, i guess beacause it been the sam eole same ole thing, well lately i guess ive been gong through alot, ive been having seizures again and a while back i had b=ntoiced that i had a bump growing on the back of my head i dont really remember when the first time ever notice it was but just recently i noticed it getting bigger, i kinda figuered it might have been when i fell in the Augustus st pool, while we were cleaning, anyways i had showed it to Claude a while back and she recently looked at it again and she said it looked like it was getting bigger too, so shes actually the one who called my dr to set me up with an appt, so i wen to see him plus of cours ei was getting my sezieures too, but i showed him and he took one look at it an dsaid yes we have to reemove it becaus ewe wan tot make sure its not cancer, and tat whole week i coulkdnt sleep, i couldnt eat, all i kept thinking was i mightbe dying and dont even know it, and as much asi try to not think about it it was still in the back of my mind. i dont kow i guess everything for me has just been catching up with me again i was alright for a loong while, i dot know maybe caus eof the whole Ale thing, i was stressinga nd getting myself sick, maybe it was just everything! but i felt so betrayed and so alone and i feltlike noone cared about me you know me i care too dam much what people think idont know why they dont give a fuck aboutme , butit really bothered me that i was goign through the sam ething as i went through with all the otherd am biatches agian and again, i cant help but think what am i doing wrong?. why do people hate me so much? so i did start seeing Scott again and hes helping me get through this its hard for me i take thigs too serious, i hate that about myslef why cant oi just not care! but after seeing Scottone day i went home and thought about it and hes right i should care about her why? when she dont give a shit about me! notonce did she ask how my vacatuon was? or say sorry for your loss, or even through allthe crap ive been going through say hey hope your ok, or hope things will be ok withyuou , i know she hears me and everything taht we talk about i hear everything she says when shes talking to her sancho o the phone, but i had to ealize the hard way, that people dont care about you, your rea friend swill ask how you are? or ask if yur ok, just to sh0w taht they care about you, and im tired of working so hard at these friendships with these people, whe we go home an dthe dya is doen they dont think about me, they dont care wether or not i feel sad. and it took me a long time to realize that but i finally see it now clearly. a friendship is like a relatonship, you give they give, and if the other person doesnt try and put there thogfhts and energy in it, than its not worth it, it just shows they dont care