something strange happened to me today Betty my mother in law called me and said she loved me and was thinking about me how she was worried about me drinking to much, i was like ok and she told me she loved me, it was wierd, well me and mark got into a argument about me drinking too im not a total drunk or anythinr i havent even gotten drunk i dont understand why theyre so afraid of something happening i feel fine besides bored everyday im trying to keep myself buisy even if it sleeping this has been the only time that i havev been able to sleep, so anyways the wierd thing is mark said that some lady wen tto bettys saying i need to be careful shes some psychic lady saying she can see that i have peoblems it was really wierd she told mark to call her so she can talk to me im cried, i dont know i feel better i just feel lonely bored im ready to go back to work i guess im just scraed still scared of the future whats to become of me? im afraid of everything!!! i just hope whatever this lady has to say isnt what i think it is.....i just want to be happy again is going to be more than a year since all this i want things to be better this year and i hope nothing becomes between me and mark and my drinking just help me god!!!

me mari and mayra

me mayra and mari

biancas birthday

masquerade party 2005

mark and i

me and les

so things have been ok today i went to the movies watched fever pitch wasnt as funny as i thought it would be but it was cool if i could be anybody in hollywood i would be Drew berrymore, anyways havent been doing much lately we partied a little bit with Joaquin & Sabrina we were tired so we ended up going home. Well ive been feeling ok sometimes i dont feel myself thats what i hate about the pills i take i feel like im dreaming all day. well today i officially own 3 homes i guess thats not too bad for a 27 year old i feel pretty good, but scared what if i cant take care of my parents or the house i dont want to let me grandparents and everyone down i have so much on my shoulder now im scaered of what my future is going to bring me,scared i wont be able to handle things and go back to how i was feeling. i just want things to go good for once things have been so hectic in my life, i went to a interview last friday it went well ok i guess if you call sounding like a dumb blonde is good they totally asked me quetions i didnt know about math i suck at math! i was like duhhh!!! but other than that hey i looked cute hahaha well we'll just see what happens im ready for something new in my life. So somebody actually reads this shit can you believe it, his name is Ron hi Ron! wants to know about my night terrors i think, hey ive seen that movie with Dee Sniders thats some scary shit but im willingh to meet new people and talk. Well night terrors on another note are like a out of body experience, i think thats were people think there being abducted by aliens you become paralyzed and your imagination starts to run wild your brain thinks the worst for instance i can remember 3 different times, 1 i thought i was being abducted by aliens, 2 i thought my house was possessed and 3 i can remember really having an OBE seeing myself out of my body going somewhere else seeing another persons life going on i know sounds crazy but night terrors are awful scary and unexplainable sometimes. well i guess thats it for now i hope this is some info for you Ron.....oh yeh congrats to me again.....

its about 6:00 in the morning i cant sleep i just awoke fromthis wierd dream that i had almost a premenition its about a serial killer "through the eyes of a stalker" its a blair witch kinda movie where he films everything you hardly see him only a few times his name is jim (in my dream JIm Ceviziel plays him) he's an outcast he works in a hospitol as a janitor he films everything all the time girls hes obssessed with there are three of them which he stalks, and films them all the time the y just laugh it like "oh JIm you and that camera of yours, there 2 really dim whitted girls and one smart one that gets away. he lives in the basement of an old two story home with his old fat mother that he takes care of somewhere in the boonies his room is filled with pictures everywhere of these 3 girls really creepy! he ends up killing 2 of them and a bunch of other people and in the end one of them ends up with him together. i know it doesnt sound like a whole lot but there alot of other scenes i see in my head that we could do but i cant think right now lots of blood and dead woman, i can do make up i dont know its just a dream but hey its worth a shot in my dream i send it in to a movie director and they see it as a snuff fil alomst as if its real but of course its not.....i know sounds crazy but i thought its worth a shot i just emailed Beto about it he;s the only one who would understand i know sounds crazy but hey it was just a dream......

today is a ugly rainy day the kind of days that make you want to stay home and cuddle up with some you love or a day that makes you feel like like shit eighther one, well things have been actually ok with me besides the few times that i broke down and well u know, but besides that im having alot more energy i even got the balls now to go outopefully on my own to the store walking bycileing, im doing ok i even hopefully will have a new job thanks to sopear doing loans maybe this is my blessing in disguise it just kinda came to me, so i hope thisw is Gods way of saying hey things will get better!! so we'll se how that goes im ready to learn something new. my life in the past few months has just been like a roller coaster uop and down! i dont know what tommarrow will bring but i pray it'll be ok so until than ....