Have you ever smelled something that it reminded you of a certain time or place or someone? I was putting some of my friends lotion on my ashy ass legs this morning and the smell took me back to Marshall Middle school 7th grade reminding me of my old dorky boy friend Jacob and 1st period social studies, weird huh how something like that can take you back in time, well at leaste for me it does, it feels like im young again. So ok anyways nothing much going on just here trying to take advatage of my internet access since I have it for now. Well this weekend was allright didnt do much went to the fair with the family on Sunday. Oh and friday get this shit ok so you know how me and Mark were having issues with the bro and house and stuff so ok I gave in and said to myslef i'll go help out and because the bro did ask us to help him put up there crown mouldings since we put our own up, right so I go and we get there noone was there I dont know where they were, but we started out putting them up and an hour goes by they finally get there she walks in and doesnt say anything to me and her brother and sister are there and what do they bring in Carona's and im like ok I came to help out and they get there dont say shit and are standing around drinking carona's I was like heck no im not gonna do shit and they're partying! and even Mark was like yeh your right and the dad said it too! so I dont know they've been there 2 weeks havnt even moved in yet the only thing they've done was paint the living room and now theyre barely finishing the bathroom, I feel bad for them I seriously dont think they're ready for a house, all they wanna do is party and her sister is standing around drinking and im like ok noones doing anything. So saturday we went to go finish and im there helping and a fucken hammer falls on my head I swear I thought I cracked my head open I wanted to pass out and Mark was laughing at me ok so it was a little funny but still hammers are falling on my head and she still didnt say thanks or anything. (and our birds heads are faling off hahaha)So yeh I did my part and now I can go to heaven haha no but serioulsy its just bull so whatever! Im not gonna worry about them anymore! Its there problem. So other than that shit nothing much happening this weekends labor day weekend thank god! my friend Juan is supposed to come down hopefully we'll go out Oh yeh I figuered out I have a bigger sex drive than my husband now how did that happen? I thought men always wanted to have sex? so im having issues im not feeling pretty is it that? he wont tell me, of course he tells me im beautiful and all but still what is it? am I just a horny toad? haha oh well we'll see. ok time to get back to work........

So it sucks to be back at work when youve been so far away, we finally went to LA. we had fun we went because Beto had a house warming party, and of course to pick up my furniture, it was cool even though we had a bad start the train was delayed an hour so we didnt end up leaving until about 4:00 and it took so fucken long for us to get there weve tooken the train before and it took about 7 hours but shit it was one delay after another, it took forever we didnt end up getting there until about 11:30. We wanted to go see Freddy vs. Kruger that's what Marco kept calling it, they had a showing at 12:15 but we missed it so we just went home and watched tv. Saturday was cool we got to meet Kevins family his mom and sister they were really nice I liked them alot. His mom was funny talking about her trip to Costa Rica all night. And we met all his co workers and friends they were nice I got along really good with them. We just drank and talked Vero was there and Manina Vero brought her baby she was cute Marco was holding her I think he was getting the father calling im glad he's good with baby's my ass was too scared to even hold her. I know he'll be a good father one day, far far away! So we mingled blah blah than after everybody left we tried to go see Freddy vs Jason again but again it as sold out our luck we didnt really go clubbing though I wanted to, but we were all tired so we watched movies and ate oh my God I must have gained back all my weight I had been suffering for 3 weeks to gewt rid of, I shouldve know going to Beto's I was gonna eat alot he always feeds us. Sunday me and Mark just went to the beach kicked it the guys had to go to some birthday party so we went and did our own thing. And than finally we got to see Freddy vs jason it was good me a horror fanatic I thought it was gonna be corny but I liked it they mixed the two in very well 2 thumbs up! well that was our weekend we left monday morning, over all it was cool just being away from Stockton im so sick of Stockton! I swear one of these days I wanna move outta here its so fucken boring and there aint shit ever happening. Well I know this is strange but me and Mark had this incredible experience unlike never before, weve made love of course not just sex or a fuck but this was unlike anything weve ever experienced like true true love making i know sounds funny and all but it was so emotional like we wanted to cry, it was different ive never felt that way before and him eighther. Like a new sorda feeling, its scary to think that one day one of us wont be around any more, I dont think I could ever live without him. I dont ever wanna feel like that ALONE! again. So we made a pact to go together we asked God to take us both at the sametime yeh were wierd but the thought is too scary. I love him too much and can't imagine life w/ out him. weve been together 6 years now and it still feels like new, when your in love nothing else matters. I hope everyone can feel the way I do someday.......

I know another week of the same bull shit, boy I hate that im getting tired of hearing myself saying another monday over and over but hey, Well my weekend sucked Marco has been going over his bro everyday helping out, and ive been at home by myslef still refusing to help, so he's been going down there the past 4 days friday I stayed home all night by myself he said he was gonna be back in an hour and I watched THEY, FRIDA, and PUNCH DRUNK LOVE. so that was a little more than an hour I think so I was there watching Frida very good movie, I kinda felt like her like an artist again I wanted to get up and go paint something, and she drank alot so Im home by myself depressed and so I started to drink by myself before I knew it I had a whole bottle of spumante that had been sitting in the fridge for a couple of months and 2 shots of tequila so by the time Marco came home I was feeling pretty good. I dont even remember how we got into an argument or what happened but we did and I began to have a nervous breakdown, I started to feel things I hadnt felt in years I hate to write this because I know someone will read it and say dam this girl is crazy, so I wont go into detail but to tell you the truth I cant even remember what I was even crying about I think sometimes we all need to just let it all out and Ive just been feeling like I have so much emotion built up in me and I needed to let it all out so thats what I did, I feel so bad for Marco he doesnt know what to do when I get like that and I hate to hurt him. I sware as you get older you get more lonely. I dont have a brother or sister that calls me all the time or parents that have bar-b -ques, I guess sometimes I admit I do get jelous. But lately Ive been having these feelings I used to have when I was younger that lonely, somethings missing feeling. I love Marki to death and I cant thank God enough that I have him, but its more than just him, its me. I dont know what to do. So saturday I had a little bit of an hangover and I felt depressed so we stayed home all day watched t.v. and my friends were supposed to come over but of course they faked Summer and her woman came over she was allright she looked liked she wanted to go home, I dont blame them noone showed up except Cam and Fed and Nikki so we played a little 3 man and Summer left so we just watched a movie and that was it. Noone wants to do anything anymore I guess everyones getting old or somethin I dont know. And i was so pissed because I told Mark that we were having people over and his brother was having a bar-b-que at his house so of course he left me I had to clean the whole house myself and he didnt even come back to hella later. It was just not a good weekend. Well hopefully this weekend will be better were going to L.A. Beto is having a house warming party and im finally bringing my furniture back so hopefully this weekend will be better. Well everybody has those days and I have been haveing them for a while but i'll be ok like they say God never gives us more than we can handle........

So here am I am just writing as fast as I can because were no longer gonna have internet access at work pretty soon I dont know I guess people like me spend too much time on it, haha but what else am I to do to make the fucken long ass day go by Work?? So not much going on same ole shit you know when you live in a small town like I do there aint ever shit to do accept go to the movies or eat at the same place everyone esle does Applebees or Chilis and laugh at all the stupid white people trying to look cool. So we havnt actually been doing much and im about lose it I need to get outta here, last year we were always in San Fransisco hanging out with the fellas clubbing but I dont know ever since the "incident" in Januray we havent really done shit I dont know why its not like I wanna stop doing drugs, but for some reason I cant get a hold of them every fucken time we wanted to it was like we couldnt get shit like it isnt meant to be I dont know maybe its a way of telling me not to do anything? oh well, its just been so boring! like the same day over and over you know? Well weve been saving money for Maria's wedding next month so thats a good thing were going to Las Vegas I cannot wait so that'll be good a bunch of us from work are going and Maria's paying for our hotel room cool huh? so im planning her a bachelorette party at my house next month that'll be fun so there is tuff going to be happening pretty soon thank God or else I will be dying of boredom in stockton oh and then were finally going up to LA next week to get my shit I cant wait its been there for almost 2 months its gonna look so cool in my room. Ok so enough rambleing about stupid shit, me and Mark have been on this grapefriut diet for 2 weeks, my friend here at work was on it she lost 40 pounds so im hopeing to lose something, I feel a little bit trimmer my stomach isnt popping out as much but I still feel fat! I dont think i'll ever be happy with my body! so whats new, my bro in law moved into his new house its got potential I suppose but its really old nothing in the house has been updated since like 1970 whoever lived there before was really dirty cuz its hella dirty so they have alot of work to on it! so we were there the other day if I say so myself I did put in there front door lock im good Marco didnt even know how to do it, and I didnt get a thank you. My bro in law was saying how he wants to paint it and decorate it and im thinking man she aint got no say in anything because shes wasnt giving any thoughts or anything, if it were me id be like hell no were doing it like this and that, shit not even myhoney had any say in the decorating of my house ok well just a little but still, I dont know she just does everything he tells her which is kinda sad, its wierd I know there gonna get married and all and eventually we'll have to get along but she never talks to me I dont think im that hard to talk to im pretty cool shit I will never judge you or tell you your stupid but I dont know its just wired with us, so im happy for my bro in law and everything and he's all asking so are you guys going to come help us and im thinking in my head hell no! when did you guys help us do shit, NEVER! not for the wedding not when we moved in our house we did everything ourselves I know that sounds bad but thats how it is. Well get this I was looking around there house and I found this book guess what it said "Haunted Houses in California" woe I was looking at it and I dont know why they thought it was mine but I guess they got kinda scared because ther doors kept shutting by themselves, that was wierd, so I left the book and they brought to my house and left in the mailbox I was like why did they do that? they thought it was mine I was like yeh right like id really take that over there so I guess they got scared i was like great bring your ghosts over here. na but I had this dream that there house was haunted and that they found muddy foot steps all on the floor wierd huh! so ok thats it thats all I have to say so hopefully next time itll be more interesting and who knows when ill be able to write again if they take my lovely internet access away so until than keep on trucking hahah!