Why does it feel like theres this dam rain cloud hanging over my head!

I swear if I hear any more bad news im going to jump off the roof of my work building! its like this stream of bad luck is never fucking ending! Why couldnt I have just died! everything sucks right now and I keep making the same stupid mistakes too why the fuck dont I learn! I swear this is the last time I do this to myself no more im done I cant take anymore ! and whats wrong with me? its like I keep pushing away people on purpose its like everytime something good happens I seem to push away people and end up scaring them off, im so stupid I swear! its no wonder why everyone hates me! I just feel like my life is fucked up right now, ever since i gotten sick its like I dont know how to get my life back, everythings different and its like I keep looking for this happiness in this dam fantasy land that I live in, and I know its not reality but I keep falling for it! it makes me so mad! all I want is to just be happy again and I feel like im never going to be, and not with all this dam bad luck I keep having.

So yesterday we went to go t see if they were going to be able to modify our loan on our house and the guy says well u8 have till tomorrow to get in everything so