things have been going ok besides me not feeling like myself, i dont know for some reason ive been feeling restless, anxious and i keep getting the shakes i fell like i cant do anything right i feel not myself, i have to take medicine to sleep, and medicine to stay awake and if i dont take it i get the jitters i guess you can say im fucked i dont know when im going to feel myself again it feel like a long time away, i just want to get better! and it seems as soon as i start to feel ok i start feeling shitty why? me? oh well besides that, i guess im ok, weve been partying more and more lately all i do is look forward to the weekends we had our party it was fun what i remember i wish i can go back to that day i fucked up i lost my camera well it got stolen, marks stereo and my diet pills ghetto huh?! there was so many people i think this is the biggest party so far there so many people i didnt know, friends of friends, but it was fun everybody came even Adrian it was a miracle him and emilio, they had fun so they say. well for marks birthday i took him to dejavu they had little boobies mines were bigger but i dont know ive been feeling very little self confidence i feel so fat and ugly i see these other skinny girls i want to be like them skinny and beutiful i dont mind my husbad looking at them he can look but not touch i for some reason think taking him there we have a more open relationship i dont want to be one of those wives who trip off everything! i just want him to see me as beutiful.....