December 22, 05
Man its been a while since ive written anything I guess because not much has been actually going on, lets see we haven’t really went out in a while, we haven’t been really even been hanging out with Joaquin and Sabrina. I don’t know ever since the “incident” things have been kinda weird Joaquin doesn’t talk to me like he used to, he gets so scared to even be by me, he won’t even say a word to me really, like Sabrina’s going to kill him or something! I don’t know its makes me feel uncomfortable and I know he probably feels the same way, hell can you imagine if we were to all have done something? I don’t think It would even be the same between us. I guess it’s a good thing that nothing happened! Oh Well anyways I cant believe its going to be Christmas already, only 3 more days im so not even ready for it, I swear this whole year flew by so fast I cant even remember what I did this past year, its like a big blur to me, im just glad last year and this year will be gone, the worst years of my life…so ive been feeling sick these past couple days, and while I was laying in bed I kept thinking to myself about all the bad things I went through these past years, and I feel so sad that I had to lose a whole year outta my life…I don’t ever want to feel the way I did before, but these feeling that ive had for so long wont seem to go away, one day im good the next im not, I don’t know if its because of the holidays or what but I have been feeling so depressed again and I don’t want to go through it again, im so scared of feeling the way I did before, I just don’t understand why I cant get past it!!!!!!! When am I going to better??? Im not having suicidal feelings or anything like that but ive been cutting myself again and feeling sad! I just don’t understand why I can’t get past this??? When am I going to be able to live my life without these shitty feelings? All I want to do is be happy again and not have to worry about wanting to die…