So theres not much really going on in my life I guess nothing thats really interesting, beside the fact that me and Marco are having big problems, i dont know what to do anymore, and its like the most rediculous thing ever too, im even embarassed to admit that were having problems because of his stupid video games, but we are! ok so a while back he sold his XBox because he wasnt using it at all, he sold it to his brother, and than Rene starts playing this stupid fucken game and so Marco goes buy another XBox and lies to me telling me he rented it, and now he is like totally obsessed with it! im not talking just playing it here and there every once in a while, but im talking about having to play it every single day!! waking up at 3:00 in the fucking morning to play it! its been a fucken problem for some time now, see i dont care that its his dam hobby or that he plays every now and than but its come to the point were he is obsessed! i mean i was ready to walk out on him a few times already! the second time where it got really bad was two weeks ago, i got fed up because i had asked him to do something around the house and he didnt! he went and played his stupid game! i was so fucken pissed that i took his shit and hid it so he wouldnt play it! he got so pissed at me, didnt talk to me for a day and a half, until finally i talked to him, and knowing how dam pissed i was he had the nerve to ask if he could play it not even a day and a half later! he was trippin!!! he couldnt even wait! i would think he would be smart enough and say ok, she's upset i'll give her sometime, and let the whole thing blow over but NO! he couldnt even be away from it for a day! i dont understand this stupid obsession he has with it! and his brother will call all hours of the dam night and tell him to play! it just upsets me that he doesnt even think about i feel, its fine if he plays once in a while but its not even like that! so that Saturday i got so mad because he was arguing with me over it, and i gave him back his dam game and i told him "just know that you chose that game over me, and when you come back tonight i wont be here"! he had some stupid DJ job in Oakland that night and i thought alot about leaving that night thats how bad it was! and so he took it back, and before he left he wrote me this long letter saying how sorry he was and he wouldnt upset me like that again! and blah blah! and believe me i wanted to leave that night but i didnt have anywhere to go! where am i going to go? I dont have anybody! so i stayed and he came home and didnt say anything to me just went to bed. And so things did get better he didnt play for a couple of days and than we left to LA to visit Beto and yes the whole time he found some way to play with his video games there instead of talking to us, but i didnt say anything! see the whole thing that gets me is that, we'll have Bianca and Craig come over or we'll go somewhere and i'll be talking to them entertaining them and he falls alseep and im just there trying to explain that he's tired or whatever but if his brother will to call he will run at the oppertunity to play all dam night till like 3 in the morning, and he'll be awake for that! it just seems like he's changed! i swear he's not the same person he used to be, before he would bring me flowers, he didnt even do that for my birthday, he would always send them to me if i was having a bad day, or i was upset, or he would go out and buy me a card and say he was sorry and really mean it, before he would always want to hug me or kiss me, but now he hardly even touches me! i dont even remember the last time we had sex! its been weeks! hed rather stay up all night to play and than he'll go to sleep and not even want to touch me! and than i cant help thinking its because im fat! and ugly! and thats the other thing i feel like im never gonna be happy with myself, like im never going to accept the person that i am, or get passed everything that i went through! like things are never going to get better for me! i dont even want to ask God to help me, because i feel like ive completely given up on all hope i have for myself! i hate the person that i am! this horrible person that ive become! i look at myself in the mirror and i know ive probably said this alot of times before but, FUCK I HATE THE PERSON STARING BACK AT ME! i will never accept the person that ive become, or accept that i will never be anyone in this world! i feel like im always giving my all to my friends or whom ever and its never enough, i never even got the chance to ay what happened with me and my "roomate" i wont even go there! but fuck! when is my life going to get better, if its not money problems or whatever its this, i dont even know how more i can take! i feel like im falling apart again! i hate myself, and just everything! and everyone! and him right now! so last night we were watching TV and i tried to hug him and he just kind of brushes me off! and than starts saying isnt there anything else on? but giving me the hint that he wants me to leave! so he can play his dam video games, and so i do! I go in the room and he comes to bed late, and the whole time im by myself crying! about how much our relationship has changed. i dont understand things were so good, and now its like he doesnt even care! he yells at me like he never used too saying that i never let him do anything, and it makes me feel like im the most horrible worst wife ever! i swear i clean i do everything around the house, yeh he cooks thats all! and instead of going outside to mow the lawn or trim the trees to make the house look nice or fixing what he hasnt finished around the house, he thinks about his stupid fucking video games! this seems so stupid to me! but i swear its ruining or marriage its gone far more than it just being a stupid game! i feel like he doesnt love me the way he used too! like he's tired of me! and i give him his space and its till not enough, i dont know what to do????? its almost as if he has a drinking or drug problem or something! last night I wake up around 2:50 in the morning and notice he's not sleeping so i get up and look out the window to the living room and notice the lights on I walk over there and he's playing his stupid game at 3 or whatever in the dam morning!!!!! and I ask him why are you up so early? he gets hella pissed off starts yelling at me, "you never fucken let me do anything"! and throws his game, and im like i dont understand why you have to play like this! I dont understand why he is so obsessed that he has to wake up at fucken 3 in the dam morning to play?!! WHY? so I just go back to bed and dont say anything! i swear this fucken sucks! i dont know what to do, its like everyone thinks we have this totally cool relationship, but its not!!! he's changed! maybe ive changed i dont know! marriage is hard i know! but for something this stupid does it really have to be this way?????