this is My story, a very personal story of the trails and tribulations that ive suffered with manic depresssion . A story of illness and dignity, shame, and, love, the intimae story of my struggles in which helps dispel the stigmas and misconceptions surrounding my horrowing illness.
I’ve always felt different when I was a child; I was very sensitive and introverted. I also suffered from insomnia from a very early age, without realising it wasn’t normal not to sleep,It’s these kind of things that make me think that my tendency for depression is something that I’ve inherited, and that it isn’t my fault.’i think mental illness ran in my mothers side of teh family

I had my depressive episode when she was 15.
‘My behaviour was erratic, I was constantly upset, and I was preoccupied with thoughts of suicide. I just wanted to end it all.and ricky didnt make it any beter, I didn’t want to leave my house, I wanted to stay in my room alone all the time. Looking back, I should have sought help then, but I didn’t really understand what was going on, and neither did my grandparents. This first episode lasted for about 6 months.’

Since then, ive experienced several severe episodes of depression, some of which she can relate to stressful periods in her life, and others i cannot explain.

It was my husband, which I think helped me understand that everything in my lifef wasnt my fault. It’s taken me a long time to be able to admit that to myself. What I am really trying to do now is understand it as much as I can, and not let it get the better of me,
I think it has taken me a long time to admit to myself that I won’t find some miraculous cure that will fix all of my problems,But I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is something I have to deal with, and that it is obviously in my best interests to keep on top of my depression.’

‘You have to learn about yourself and what makes you feel good. I still have days when I don’t want to go on, but I think the important thing is that I have learnt to recognise my symptoms, and try to do something about them. You don’t have to live with depression: it isn’t something you deserve, and it isn’t something that’s going to go away for me,ll I can really do is try to be happy within myself, and not to give up.