"fade" by Staind

I try to breathe
Memories overtaking me
I try to face them but
The thought is too
Much to conceive

I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same
So now I step out of the darkness
That my life became ’cause

I just needed someone to talk to
You were just too busy with yourself
You were never there for me to
Express how I felt
I just stuffed it down
Now I’m older and I feel like
I could let some of this anger fade
But it seems the surface
I am scratching
Is the bed that I have made

So where were you
When all this I was going through
You never took the time to ask me
Just what you could do....


So much shit in my head going on why do i want too litterly kill myself over something so stupid like my husband looking at another girl! especially a girl that you would never want him to mention about" or look at" theres always that 1, how cxan i talk when ive done wortst than he could imagine why do i fell lik e th fucken queen of "evil" right now!
anyways i feel like shit im drunk as fuck i dont even know if im typoing right so if you cnat undderstand what the fuck im wrighting righn to noe i dont really give a shit you'll figure it out! WHY do i want to feel so bad about myself i feell like im th ugliest person in th world right now? why do i have such low self esteem, i hate myself so much that sometimes i dont give a fuck about my husband or my family or even my friends, what they might think if im gone or what they might feel?? i just want so muc h to just go! even if it would be that i would be in hell! what can be so much worst than feel the feelings that i do now???? i just want to get so suck wasted just so that i wont feel anything!!!! whya do i keep having these bad thoughts ?why will it never go aways why do i wan t to hurt mysel;f so much Arlo????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Why do iwant you to read this just so that i know how much life can suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Are you really out there? am i not alone??? respond to me please! i would love to know that theres someone out there that might be the slightest interested in me?? i could tell you stories that you would never even believe thins things ive lived through that someone couldnt evenn wish ther own worst enemies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!the truth is right now im going to go hurt myself and im not going to evne care or feel anything! because you knwo why??????????????? this is what alcohol and drugs can do to you !! or if your jus t like me yoy can be resllly fucked up in the head ! !!! dont ever listen to "staind" while you feel like shit you just dont know what you might do??!!
oh yeh the meanig of this song really reminded me of another "ASSHOEL " boyfriendi once had but thats a whole new story own its own"!!!!