So things are ok, im feeling alot better, not 100% but better my feelings seem to be a little numb, Scott my therapist says its normal for people that are on meds to feel this way its wierd i feel like not happy like nothings fuuny, or sad i cant even cry on Dawsons Creek anymore and i cried all the time on it! but anyways ive been preparing myself to go back to work next monday im scared, yet excited, its wierd i guess im getting tired of being home ive even started to excercise i just am tierd of being fat! and tired of being home. I went to try on clothes for work and oh my God! i am so fat i hate the way i look! i guess thats one thing i'll never get over. well this past weekend sucked we were supposed to go out for Fed's b day we had planned it and i for sure thought they wouldnt fake but i dont knoe i know Fed wants to go out but i know my cousin and i know she didnt want to go its always some excuse, oh she's on her period, im like dang what is she on her period 365 days a year? i wish she wouldnt treat me the way she does ive never done anything to her (another girl thing) but she alwyas seems to diss me wether its comparing jobs or my things i have, money, whatever, its like i dont understand it does she feel threatened by me? im not going to take your husband away or im not going to make him gay even thought i think they would be alot happier! i dont know i just dont unerstand her or woman for that matter, i hate the way i look so i dont understand why girls hate me! well i finally went and got a tattoo, i got a devil on one side and a dangel on the other side fed went with me i asked him to go at his bday an Cam just looked at him like with these eyes like she of course she didnt want him around me but he ended up coming with me, i feel for him. We have so much fun when were together we just laughed at old times (fried rice)(Nick) it was cool, i miss those days when things were easy and fun i just keep wishing they would change and i get so mad when they diss and Mark keeps telling me they'll never change and i guess he's right and they never will. My whole depression was because i missed the way things were when we were all younger, Vato Rabbit , Choriza, Chocolate Donut, haha! that was our names, oh yeh and not to forget crazy Roxanne and Frank how could i forget them! an of course my other friends but i'll keep wishing things would change and hopefully pne day they will, and things will go back to the way they were. Our new "friends" now Joaquin And Sabrina are cool we get along well maybe weve been hanging out together too much but its just my weekends are the only thing i have to look forward to now and im finding myself wanting to do bad things i mean like drugs just to feel, because im so numb! i want to do weed or alcohol and even x i crave to feel something so when the weekends come around thats all i want to do. well i know my life is going to change im just trying to prepare myself for next week so until than.....