Last night Amy came by and we finally got to sign the documents to get started on our second house im so proud of myself for being a fuck up when I was young I guess im not doing too bad for myself! I guess I can owe it all to my husband, he helped with a lot! I got my first bill on my house yesterday, and it came out to 445.00 woe can you believe that, that means we can go out and get whatever house we want if were going to be renting out our house. Im so excited! I was afraid we weren’t going to afford it and blah blah but Things are going good. Hopefully they’ll stay that way, as far as San Fran that’s out, I want so much to move there but, Mark keeps giving me hints on how he wants to start a family soon he wont admit it but, I know he’s ready. And if that’s what he wants maybe it is time! Well Amy and her fiancé, which is Nancy’s son,(our realtor) seem really nice, she loved my house she kept complimenting me on it. She was nice we were talking about weddings and being married, and that got me thinking on another thing, I always told mark that if I die to publish all my journals so everyone can see what its like to be me crazy huh! so I decided to start writing a little different you’ll see, well we were talking about how the first year of marriage is the hardest and I didn’t really see it that way, our first year of marriage was wonderful the best so far, we went out all the time back and forth to San Francisco partying together having a blast going on vacations, going to LA. It was great not to say that its not great anymore because is still is, we just don’t go out that much anymore, I think we’ve learned from a lot of mistakes we’ve made in the past and started to slow down on stupid things we used to do, but everyday with him is great, he’s a wonderful person I cant imagine myself being with anyone else, he makes me smile, laugh, cry, everyday is a new experience with him. Marriage is hard I cant deny that, but when you find the right person it makes everything worth while, when we first got married it was hard for me because I grew up with my grandparents and my grandmother would do everything for me, I was a spoiled brat! I didn’t know how to wash clothes, clean, and I still don’t know how to cook, so we take on different chores, he cooks I do everything else. Well from going to being pampered and doing shit, to having a mortgage and bills was the hard part, the whole relationship part was easy. It still feels new. Relationships are hard, you got to really work at them, you give and they give and you support each other, don’t be jealous, be open minded, and everything else will fall into place, we have a strong relationship because we care about each others feelings, we don’t do things that we know will upset the other person. I see of my friends relationships and they can’t even fart in front of each other. Being in a good relationship is not being afraid to share. That’s a stupid example but if you can’t do that than what can you do? When I was in high school I used to go out with this guy, we had a very bad relationship, mentally and physically abusive; I literally had to think about what I was going to say because I said something to make him mad he would get all crazy, and go off on me! But when you’re young you don’t really know what love is and to me that’s what I though love was. It’s sad when I see friends or young girls in relationships like that I know what its like, its almost like a drug you know its bad for you but you still do it! And its hard to tell them anything because they don’t want to hear it, they wont see it, until they want to see it. Like I did! But hey I learned we all make mistakes and instead of dwelling over the past, I can say now its made me the person I am now.