July 27, 2004

I had another bad, bad night it seems like every night gets worse for me I feel like im getting less and less sleep, im going to lose my mind pretty soon, I have a doctors appt. next week so hopefully he can give me something and help me. Last night I couldn’t sleep for shit! My back was hurting I kept tossing and turning all night, and than when I did fall asleep I had this weird dream ……
It started like this, I was driving in my car leaving, Leslie was with me we were pulling out of a parking lot, on a really bumpy road, and there were these kids getting out of school, they were walking right behind my car, I was in the way so they were hitting my car, telling me to hurry up. I got mad turned around and started yelling at them. So they went to go get there friends which were a bunch of older guys. I remember a bunch of houses, we were trying to hide so we were running and hiding in these houses! I remember Cammille and Bianca being there, my aunt Irene. All these men were mad and after me. I can hear someone telling me something, I walked in to this room it was all black and I can see someone there, but he had a mask on like those Mexican wrestler masks, I couldn’t see his face but he was whispering to me
“Spontaneous kindness” so I started to be nice to everyone and it all turned around, like everyone was nice to me they weren’t after me anymore. There was this party outside balloons, decorations, and I can see a parade coming down from the road. There were a bunch of people holding up a person with a mask on, he was someone pretty important like a high priest, and when they got to the stage he got up and went to this podium and took his mask off and it was Art Cordero, and he was saying how in his life he did all these things to help people and he said he did it with “sub sequential kindness” just do things for people out of the kindness of his heart and for no reason. And I new this is what I was supposed to do. And I felt happy about it. I started running and I started flying in the air I was holding on to these balloons flying in the air. And than I woke up.
It was really weird I couldn’t sleep all night and than I had this weird dream, maybe it’s a sign, and he’s telling me what I need to do. I don’t know what’s going on with me I feel so out of it, all I want to do is rest, I cant concentrate on anything im here at work its about 10:00 and I feel so out of it! Im feeling cranky! I don’t know what to do! Im worried about my dad he’s in the hospital again for like the hundredth time, I guess were the same we both don’t listen.