Its me again, I know I just have so much to say, so many thoughts in my crazy head, Well remember the guy I was talking about before the homeless man on my way home from work well he hasnt been there for the past few days, its wierd because I know he probabley thinks noone in this world cares about him and he probabley doesnt have the slighteset clue anyone even thinks about him or even cares about him, but I do in a wierd way, I just hope someone cares the same way about me. Like do you ever wonder who would go to your funeral if you were to die? Does anyone really care in this world? maybe thats why everything is so fucked up, because nobody gives fuck about anything! And its sad but sometimes I know I dont. I dont care if I call back these welfare clients or not. Thats bad, and I know I need to care more, but I dont.
So anyways since we are only taking half hour lunches from now on I cant really go down grandmas too much that sucks because that was my time to visit them and catch up on things u know. So we were there the other day and they finally sold some lot that theyve had in Reno like forever, there selling it for 40g and im glad I told them that we should go on vacation and enjoy things now that they have money. Well I hate admitting to myself that one day they wont be here anymore. I love them to death I would do anything for them, everyone else is always saying oh yeh well go visit them and they never do. And it makes me so mad that noone cares I would give my life for them and it hurts so bad to know that they arent going to live forever, I swear id rather go before them, just so I dont have to deal with being gone. I get so scared, like I was watching spiderman the other day and his uncle dies and im just crying my eyes out and Marks like whats wrong? but even now just thinking about makes me want to cry, They raised me and to me they are my parents, I cant imagine life without them, and for the very first time ever my grandpa told me he was proud of me. He has never told me that. I was so happy, everything Ive done was for them. That makes me happy now. Well on another note, today hasnt been good feeling shitty! havent started yet getting scared God I hope thats not why im feeling crappy......