Have you ever wake up in the morning and looked at yourself in the mirror and didnt recognize yourself? Well the past couple of days ive just been feeling wierd I dont recongnize myself I look different, feel different its almost as if I feel numb! nothings funny! nothings sad!nothings happy! I feel like im still dreaming and nothing really matters, like I run naked and noone would care! sounds wierd I know I just dont feel myself. I keep thinking that something is wrong like im waiting for something bad to happen. I dont know maybe im just loosing it! The other day I was at grandmas just chillin laying on my old bed thinking about all the times ive spent in that room with my friends, with loved ones all the funny times we had, all the bad things I did, and I cant believe how time flies by so fast I never thought id be were i am right now, married, with my own house life is strange. My husband says I think too much and I do I cant help myself I think about everything What its like to be someone else? shit like that. When your young days seem like months , months seem like years, you never imagine you'll be an adult until you become one, and its so hard! I wish I can go back and just live one day as a kid, but I cant and then when you get older everyday seem the same? I need to do something with my life I feel like its passing me by so fast and I still havent accomplished shit! Im not happy with what I do but than again who the fuck is right! I know that I dont give 100% everyday but I always told myself I would never get a job sitting my fat ass behind a desk all day long working on a computer and look at me now im such a girl. I want to be out there creating, building, working with my hands doing what? I dont fucken know just something else. I still not even half way accomplished my goal with my body i have a long way and it sucks knowing that ill never do what I really want or be what I really want to! Why because im such a fucken scardey cat! I have this image of who I want to be and no matter how I try or what I do, I cant be that person! I guess thats what dreams are for huh? Well I suppose ill live. Strange Days.... Well this weekend we didnt do much were poor right now mortgage, bills you know, were actually thinking about buying another house to rent out that is. Maybe refinance and put money down on another house I think its a good idea I guess you can never go wrong in realestate its scary but I think it'll be all worth it in a few years we'll sell both and buy a big house with a pool that would be cool. I dont intend on telling anyone though you know people just get wierd, Im not a show off I dont brag about the shit I have I thank God for the thing I do have I never thought id actually get this far but people have issues, like when we first bought our house noone wanted to come visit us! you know shit like that, and no I would not rent to family to many issues there but who knows we'll see were still not sure if we wanna do that. Well Ive been thinking about throwing a party maybe next month, Hot august nights! sounds good tome we havnt done much this summer I think its time for a party dont you?
allrighty ive got so much shit to do especially after they added to my to do list! so until next time...